Becoming a single mum; the baby steps I’m taking

Becoming a single mum; the baby steps I’m taking

17th Mar 201831st Mar 2019 by amygeorginasimkins

As I sit at home watching my little boy chasing the dog around the living room, I find myself reminiscing on all we have been through together. A traumatic pregnancy, a difficult labour and now I embark on the latest journey…becoming a single mum. Of course Oliver still sees his dad regularly and his Nonna and Grandad (his dad’s parents), however I wish I could be on better terms with them…for Oliver’s sake.

Some days I wake up feeling super empowered almost like a ‘super mum’ but then other days, I find myself clutching onto a can of red bull on my way to work with 2 hours sleep under my belt and realising it’s me, myself and I from now on. Of course, I know I’ll cope but I would be lying if I didn’t say I’m terrified. Though Oliver has coped incredibly well with this, and despite what some people say about it being easier for them to cope with when the child is younger, I still believe it has affected Oliver…after all his world has completely shifted so understandably he is a lot clingier and throwing some major tantrums.

In all of this, the biggest advice I could ever give anyone becoming a single mum is keep your friends close, I have been so fortunate to have an incredible support network through this whole thing. My work friends, the mummykind team and my best friends have been amazing at helping pick me up and getting me back on my feet and of course have a good listen to a break up anthem… Mine is “Already Gone” by Kelly Clarkson or “You Don’t Do It for Me Anymore” by Demi Lovato.

Though there are two rules we have laid out in all of this, the first is what I call “the new person” rule, the one thing that I am adamant about in me and my ex moving on is that neither of us will introduce Oliver to our new partner until it is serious and that the other parent consents to it. I don’t want Oliver to have people dragged in and out of his life, it isn’t fair on him. The second is the “no shouting rule” which I guess is one that means the most. I grew up with a very dysfunctional family, I witnessed lots of shouting and abuse, so I will move hell and earth to prevent my boy from going through the same. I never want him to witness what I did so for that reason, I refuse to even discuss anything that could result in an argument in front of him.

So to all you mums out there wondering when/if it will get better…it will. Of course I would be lying if I said it’s an easy process, despite falling out of love with my little boy’s dad it still pained me to see him move on so quickly, showing no remorse for the situation, but ultimately those actions made me stronger and for that I thank him, for giving me a reason to love myself more and appreciate my true worth.…so in a weird kind of way becoming a single mum has given me the best opportunities I’ve had and the future couldn’t look brighter.

amygeorginasimkins

22 years old from Kent, Mum to a beautiful boy called Oliver, fighting Endometriosis, PCOS and BPD. Writer at www.mummykind.com

10 thoughts on “Becoming a single mum; the baby steps I’m taking”

Kitty says:

17th Mar 2018 at 3:44 pm

Very empowering! I wish you the best of luck in this journey bird! x

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Clare McDougall says:

19th Mar 2018 at 4:32 pm

Definitely keep your friends close. Good luck on your journey 🙂 #LGRTStumble

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Sarah Barber says:

22nd Mar 2018 at 9:37 pm

Thanks for your message of support for Amy!

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Sarah Barber says:

22nd Mar 2018 at 9:37 pm

Thanks for your message of support for Amy!

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Enda Sheppard says:

26th Mar 2018 at 12:51 pm

Hope it works out well for both of you. Your guiding principles sound like they are very well thought out and should help you in the whole process. Best of luck #LGRTStumble

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Kel - School Runs and Shopping Trolleys says:

13th Apr 2018 at 3:05 pm

Oh, good luck! It must feel scary, a bit exciting, lonely, empowering… all the emotions! Thanks for sharing with #TheMMLinky x

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Gemma - Mummy's Waisted says:

24th Apr 2018 at 7:34 am

I have so much respect for single parents, I find parenting so so hard and that's even with a husband around for support! #itsok

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The Inspiration Highway says:

26th Apr 2018 at 8:33 pm

It’s not an easy road but you will do it for your boy. Stay strong.

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Kids, Cuddles and Muddy Puddles says:

27th Apr 2018 at 7:30 pm

You sound like one strong mummy! I think it's great you've agreed to some ground rules. Good luck with your new journey, I hope it takes you and Oliver to great places! x #itsok

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Samantha Carden says:

4th Jun 2018 at 7:18 pm

Having been through this myself I agree it all gets better and easier in time. And friends are the best in times like this. I had the task of finding a new home, moving by myself and finding a job with a 4 and almost 2 year old. I had a very hard time at first, struggled to sleep, I was depressed and seeing a therapist. If it wasn't for my friends and close family I wouldn't of made it through the dark times. I can honestly say I'm in such a good place now and I have a great future ahead of me. I have an amazing boyfriend who has a close bond with my kids, he obviously doesn't replace their dad but he plays an important role in my house. Some things just aren't ment to be and people fall out of love but it doesn't have to effect the children involved. Well done for being a strong momma ��

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