Why I’m happy being a single mum

So, recently I have had friends all asking the same question… “Isn’t it time you settled down?” And let’s not forget dear old Aunt Barbara at the family meals asking why I’m still single. The reason to it all is because, in a warped kinda way, I’m happy being single.

The truth is I don’t have the time for a relationship. I work full time and around caring for Oliver I am left with perhaps 5% free time – split that free time between friends and time to myself (that is 0%), and I am not prepared to sacrifice any of that on a relationship.  “You deserve to be happy,” a dear friend said to me recently, and they are right. I DO deserve to be happy, but I replied to her by saying “but what makes you think I’m not happy? I love the independence I have being a single mum and the freedom it gives me.

Freedom? Something I never thought that I would say in the same sentence as being a single mum, but the truth of the matter is it has given me insane amounts of freedom. When Oliver is at his Dad’s and I am not working I am able to do what I want, when I want, without having to justify who I am talking to and where I am going. Although, this doesn’t mean going out every Friday night, because sometimes it’s just nice to use that freedom to sit at home and relax.

When I first became a single mum I hated it, I didn’t know how I would cope mentally and physically, and now, nearly half a year later, I am loving it. I feel so independent and accomplished – I wouldn’t change it for the world. I look to when there were times that I was crying to my friends saying I didn’t feel I was strong enough, and had people at the time tell me I wasn’t strong enough, but I have not only proved them wrong, I have proved myself wrong.

I see some of my friends that are single mums putting so much pressure on themselves to be in a relationship, and admittedly that was me at one point. The real happiness of being single is when you find that moment of peace and solidarity, when you achieve something you never thought possible through no strength other than your own…. and that my dears is when you find the true beauty of being single.

One of my favourite film quotes sums it all up perfectly for me..

The thing about being single is, you should cherish it. Because, in a week, or a lifetime, of being alone, you may only get one moment. One moment, when you’re not tied up in a relationship with anyone. A parent, a pet, a sibling, a friend. One moment, when you stand on your own. Really, truly single. And then…. it’s gone.

It took a while initially for me to enjoy being single, it took A LOT of pep talks from Sarah and some of my other friends, not to mention countless late night chats with the mummykind girls. Now I love it. I love being a strong, independent woman. Knowing that whatever I own, I got myself, everything I have achieved, I got there myself. I have nobody snoring in my ear and stealing my duvet, I am under no obligation to watch things I don’t want to (unless it’s Moana or Frozen through Oliver). It is such an empowering feeling to know that I proved all those people wrong, every single one who said I wouldn’t cope and who didn’t want me to. And in the words of Destiny’s Child… ’cause I depend on me if I want it.

I sit late at night and often wonder when I will settle down again, and the reality is that I don’t know when that will be. I am not prepared to settle for the first man that comes into my life. I deserve to be happy, (not to mention that the successful candidate will need to pass Sarah and her husband’s vetting process first)… So maybe months from now, maybe a year from now… I don’t think anyone knows the answer to it. However for now, and for the foreseeable future, my Oliver, friends, family, work and health are my priority…Not chasing after a man.

If you liked this you’ll love:

Becoming a single mum, the baby steps I’m taking

Single parents, I respect you 

Why can’t we all just play nicely together?


22 years old from Kent, Mum to a beautiful boy called Oliver, fighting Endometriosis, PCOS and BPD. Writer at www.mummykind.com

10 thoughts on “Why I’m happy being a single mum

  1. I think if things didn't work out with husband, I'd honestly never bother again. I was a single mum before and I got lucky that my now husband had secretly liked me for as long as I'd liked him. I couldn't face the dating scene as is it now. I think I'd probably just live a life of tidy houses, early bedtimes and chocolate for breakfast if I was ever 'uncoupled'!#KCACOLS


  2. It's an incredibly insulting habit of humans to insist single people would be happier in a couple. I do it too,I'm afraid but I'm working on it (it's some faulty default wiring from the fairy tales we're raised on). I really like this post. I think it's good to see this in writing. We see far too much of the reverse, when in actual fact, it's not really that realistic. So many unhappy couples. As I said to a friend who wondered if she was too 'set in her ways' to settle down, it's not you and your behaviours, it's what's being offered. The other person has to be offering something better than what you're giving up. Just being with them and in a couple actually isn't offering much. They have to be offering you something more, and much better than you're currently doing with your time – and if you are doing what you like and when you like, you have to be prepared to sacrifice that to accomodate the new partner. So that price is quite high, they have to be worth the cost. #KCACOLS


  3. You're in an enviable situation, having the freedom to do whatever you want! It's definitely better to be single than in an unhappy relationship. Thanks for linking up with #kcacols – hope you can join us next time!


  4. As a single mum for 10 years before I re partnered up I totally get where you're coming from! Time for self care and a bit of time for you and the kids. #KCACOLS


  5. I love this! I have been a single mum for 9 years now and single for over 6. I don't think my life is lacking anyway and I love how it is now. I'm not sure I would be willing to give this up if i am totally honest. Also, i am writing a post about the positives of being a single parent and I would love to include you x #kcacols


  6. It’s really good to hear that you can see all the positives, including the great degree of independance, which single parenting can bring. I’m not a single parent myself, but if I was, the ’issue’ of finding a new partner would be at the bottom of my to-do-list (and to be honest, I never ever even get close to the bottom of that list…). If it happened it would be by accident lol x #KCACOLS


  7. Well done you lovely. Love reading positive posts about single parents. I'm not a single parent now but I was and I was super happy! I am now too, but I think when you're single you get that extra special happiness! #KCACOLS


  8. Hi, I love this write up, so interesting. Am a single mum, and I work 12hrs a day and am happy with everything I DO…. The question is WHY DO I NEED A MAN? Am a christian lady and a very prayerful One… the only reason why we need men is just for sexual pleasure, which I find very irritating…I love freedom, and My SON is my biggest priority…..


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