Okay, family members – gonna pre-warn you now…
DO NOT READ THIS.
Disclaimer over and done with, let’s get down to the dirty business 😉
You may hear a lot of people tell you that you’ll never have sex after having kids, in the same way that people tell you that ‘everything changes when you get married’.
In my opinion, they’re both a load of bollocks!
The truth is, yeah stuff changes, but it’s just part of getting older.
I won’t lie, our sex lives were pretty bloody amazing (and still are)… But I mean, sometimes it would be 3 times a day or more, and while that’s awesome, it’s not really sustainable when you have little people climbing into bed with you in the middle of the night! Nothing changed when we got married, but we already had Olivia by that point.
After I had her, it wasn’t long before we started trying to get down to it again – I think the first attempt was 4 weeks postpartum, but it was still too sore for me down there after being stitched up so we had to hold off and wait to try again another time. I think it ended up being 8 weeks postpartum that we actually managed it successfully, but the first time after birth will change for everyone – some people literally go months without even trying, but Jamie and I being the way we were we couldn’t wait that long.
The next hurdle is then if you have time when either or both of you aren’t exhausted. In all honesty I don’t remember the particulars of how often and when, but I still don’t remember it being that much different for us. We were relatively lucky and Olivia slept through the night from quite early on, meaning we could still make a bit of time for us. Although sleep deprivation hit me hard from the midnight breastfeeds at the very beginning, you begin getting into a routine with your child and then the much needed me-time, or us-time, will go back to normal, or almost normal for us.
This may be the difference between one kid and multiple, but since Olivia started going to her own bed in her own room, it obviously became even easier to maintain our relationship as it was before having her… And let’s be real here, the 7 months apart while he was on deployment probably helped keep our sex lives going as soon as he got back!
We’ve now been married for a year, had Olivia for 2 years and have been together 5 years. I’d like to think that it’s just as it always was.
Things don’t need to change as long as you keep making time for each other, that’s all it really comes down to!
How do you make time for each other after having kids?
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Sarah Arthurwears
I think it’s different for everyone – depending on the type of labour experience you had, the after effects of that, healing time etc. I know of women who suffered such traumatic deliveries that physically and mentally it just wasn’t possible for a long time. I think it’s good to give a positive message that things dont have to change, but equally – if things have to change for a while then that’s ok too and also completely normal 🙂 #kcacols
Helen - From Mummy to Mum
We struggle to make time for each other. We have four children and finding that time without one of them getting up for a wee, cuddle or a feed is tricky – doable and we need to make it more of a priority – but tricky! #KCACOLS
Carol Cameleon
Wow you 2 are like rabbits!! It's so important to make time for each other though. #kcacols
Typical Mummy
I love the warning at the beginning of this post – mad me giggle! For us the only hurdle is just the exhaustion of having kids, working, getting older etc and actually having any energy left at the end of a day!!!! We usually manage it though!! 😉 #KCACOLS
Lana Pummill
I agree. It really does come down to making time and being creative. #KCACOLS
Jenna Louise
love, love, love your honesty! People told me that everything would change once we got married and the only that changed was my name! So it's good to know that having kids isn't the marriage killer I've heard it is! #KCACOLS
Ann H
Go through batches of some and then not so much. Depends on how we feel more than the kids. Family life at our house can be a bit stressful and that more than anything else impacts on our relationship sometimes. Thanks for linking to #kcacols
Sarah Barber
Absolutely – I know people who were going at it again a mere 4 weeks after labour, which simply wasn't possible for me! Thank you for commenting 🙂
Sarah Barber
Aww I feel your pain! We find it hard enough with just one child interrupting any alone time, but definitely try and make a date night a regular thing! Thank you for commenting 🙂
Sarah Barber
Hahahaha maybe once upon a time we were 😉
Sarah Barber
Yeah I would say the exhaustion plays a big part for us too – I've just started a new job with a very long commute, so I get little to no time with my daughter or husband in the evenings now sadly! 🙁
Sarah Barber
exactly! thanks for commenting 🙂
Sarah Barber
Haha thank you! We had much the same and I got there and thought, ummm, we're still the same people?? Things change but they don't have to ruin your relationship!
Sarah Barber
All family life is stressful and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't! Hope you're not too stressed out my dear! Thank you for commenting 🙂